It’s been nearly seven months since my divorce was finalized. I feel like I’ve been in a slumber–crying, sleeping, and living on autopilot. Even though I was separated for some time before the divorce, there’s a significant difference in my mindset now that it’s official.
Raising my two sons, being the sole provider, and maintaining a household along with their sports schedules is exhausting yet expected. I am grateful for the support of my dad who helps me with the afterschool sports practices. Keeping a routine for the boys is so important when they have had their lives disrupted.
It’s time that I recuperate from my slumber to find the mental and emotional rest I need. Having experienced the fourth stage of grief when the divorce marked the end of my relationship, I am working on accepting the situation I am in. The five stages are:
For now I’m going to make peace with where I’m at—raising Jonathan and David and going on a journey of self-discovery. Today, I’ll head to the cupboard and make cupcakes for the boys and myself, a treat we know makes us feel good inside.
How sad to face what was not part of your plan. Divorce is no one’s dream. I’m sure that as a little girl you never thought that this would be a part of your story. It was probably like having cold water splashed in your face to wake you up to life’s harsh reality. The life experiences you had are now pieces of a puzzle of your life. This, however, does not mean that your life’s puzzle is finished, just this part. In fact, life has hurled you from your familiar ground to unsettled waters looking for another shore. What will you find? Where are you going? Do you know who you are?
This new and unexpected journey is daunting and, of course, you are tired. Your role of wife disappears and the role of provider and mother grow in scope. It’s normal and needed to rest before you take the next step. If you broke your entire leg, you would need to rest and recover. So a broken heart requires just as much care to heal and be restored.
As we know your heart will help guide you when you can’t see where you are going. It’s your internal GPS. The truth is found where God has made a home, which is inside your heart. The only way to see the brokenness is through your tears, which I encourage you to continue to let them pour out. Let them heal you and water the arid ground of your soul that so needs to be nurtured. This is what will lead you to acceptance.
There is no need to rush the stages of grief. You can still be a great mother through it. Show your children what it means to mourn a shattered dream and still have hope in a better life as you rely on God’s strength and the resources he provides all around you.
Remember, the path to acceptance is being able to see clearly where you are and it starts with a tear…and a cupcake doesn’t hurt.
Here is a beautiful poem found in a card.
“There is a Time for Tears”
There is a time for tears
When your heart is
Too full of sorrow,
They begin to flow,
As naturally as rain from heaven,
There is a beauty in tears,
A rightness about them.
They should be shed proudly,
For they show how much
You have lived
And loved and lost.
Tears honor our loved ones,
There is a sacredness
Each one is a prayer
That only God can hear.
The soul could have
If our eyes could have