Tag: counseling


Dying of Winter Brings New Life in Spring

I’m going full force. I’m working full-time and still making time to fulfill my will. I’m creating a plan to guide me, with God’s help. I’m so excited about what is happening and hope that others will be just as excited. I know what is being created will serve others just as it is healing me. Interesting how things work out…

Adam didn’t support my dreams and just as we have begun divorce proceedings, I am making it happen—without him. Makes me think that the energy with Adam was constricting. Grace, I feel much more creatively freed and I don’t think it’s Merlot that is contributing to this feeling—this time.

Guiding Lesson:

Eve, how wonderful to hear that you are pursuing new dreams in the midst of having to let an old dream die (your relationship with Adam)!  I really suggest you take a moment to remember what is happening. It’s not always so easy to focus on a new dream while having to let go of another. Do you realize the keys you are holding that are allowing you to do this?  These are available to everyone, but it takes great strength, courage and time to begin moving in this direction. Eve, you are experiencing the power of grace which is given and decided upon by God alone.  

God is always so eager to bless us with grace, but it requires an opening and space for it to enter and fill your world.  The opening for the grace you are receiving comes from your heart wanting to use your creative gifts to serve others and, in the process, you are healed.  Isn’t that what God silently shows us through the passing of every winter. In the dying of winter, God gets ready to create and bring about new life in spring. Death does not have the final say nor is more powerful than the act of loving.  This love can’t help, but create ways to heal and open up so that life flows freely according to the will of God.

Eve, dream your dream. Share your creative talents to bring these dreams to fruition. Allow them to serve and heal the world around you and inside of you. And do all of this with Great Love by your side. You can’t go wrong. 

Now it’s time for a glass of Merlot. 




MacBook Meltdown: An Act of Melting Memories or Final Attempt at Sparks?

I rushed to the Apple store. The salesperson had never seen a microwaved MacBook before so he immediately called his colleagues over. They laughed and said, “How cool!” The salesperson apologized for laughing and saying, “How cool!” and proceeded to explain how bizarre this was. I simply said, “You’re telling me.” And you know what, he asked me? “What did you do?” I just told him I’m getting a divorce and he’s angry.

When they laughed, I didn’t care. When they said, “How cool,” it didn’t bother me. As an Apple lover, I, too, find it fascinating to look at a microwaved MacBook. But, what did I do? No one or anything deserves this—except a marshmallow for the simple pleasure of melting a Hershey bar between two graham crackers—and that’s for the palate’s amusement, for the heart’s content, for the tummy’s satisfaction.

At this point, I wanted to know if they could recover the data. The took the laptop to the back of the store, conducted an analysis and returned to give me unsatisfactory news. The Apple store was not able to recover my hard drive. The good news—the hard drive may not be a total loss. They referred me to a data recovery store in Santa Ana. Not wanting to lose another minute, I placed my burnt MacBook in its case and rushed out of the store into my car. I immediately called the data recovery business and explained my situation.



“The Apple store couldn’t recover the data so I’m taking it to a data recovery store. And I expect you to pay the cost to recover my data. If you put this on your credit card, I expect the debt to be excluded from the community debt that will be divided between us.”

“How much is it going to cost?”

“They said it could cost up to $2,700.”



“I’m here. Do what you need to do and, of course, I’ll pay it.”

“Thanks, Adam.”

“Don’t thank me, Eve. It’s right for me to pay for it and get you a new one. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing any more.”

We hung up and I cried, again.

Guiding Lesson: Eve, what an ordeal. However, I’m glad to see that Adam is taking responsibility and paying for a new laptop. This is the right thing to do. 
As I think about your day, have you stopped to think that Adam’s attempt to microwave your laptop could be viewed in two, probably more, different ways?  He could have done it as an act of final destruction to the marriage or could it also have been a final attempt to create some spark that had died a long time ago. Remember he was drunk plus had other meds in him. His subconscious appears to have been conflicted, angry and filled with grief.

Eve, now about the hard drive–it’s ironic that it could not be fully recovered. Isn’t this like your marriage?  The past has melted away. The good memories can’t be fully recalled. However, you may be able to salvage some good ones that include your children.

Like the laptop, you need to start over. It’s not as easy as Adam buying a new one. No, the new start can’t be purchased and no one can create it. This is going to be up to you along with the grace of God. Here are two quotes that I will leave you with as you begin to build a new life.


What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.
– Richard Bach

It may sound odd, but the fastest way to get to a new-and-improved situation is to make peace with your current situation. By making lists of the most positive aspects you can find about your current situation, you then release your resistance to the improvements that are waiting for  you. – Abraham-Hicks


Rising from the Ashes to New Life

While the microwaved MacBook is out of commission, I’m trying to do the preparatory work I need to complete for my new client. I’m still shocked at what has happened and will not ever tell my client that my soon-to-be-ex has microwaved my laptop, which is why I can’t get them the comps they need.  I interview, write, search for photos, get approval on copy and photographs and accomplish as much as I can within my means.

Grace, I never realized just how much I depended on my MacBook—for everything, to stay connected, for my livelihood, for my creative flow, for the feeling of independence. For an instance, I feel like Adam took all of that away from me. In destroying my MacBook, he destroyed part of who I am, my spirit, my dreams, my ambitions.

Then, I realized, Adam gave them back to me—a desire to pursue all of what I want regardless of the trials and tribulations. He gave me a reason to fight for what I want. He tried to melt away everything that meant a great deal to me, to destroy a material object, but he couldn’t take away what was in my mind, my heart, my soul. No one can take any of those things away, unless you let them. And I refuse to let Adam or anyone else take away my spirit, my dreams, my ambitions.

Guiding Lesson: Eve, I admire your ability to take a situation that could destroy you and change your focus to see that you can rise from the ashes to new life. This is remarkable.  It is a gift you are giving yourself and your children.

Life is filled with many uncontrollable and unexpected events that can crush you.  The question is not why these things occur but how will your respond and be the good in a world it so desperately needs.  Even in your imperfection, God can work through you to be the message of goodness.  His spirit will breathe the gifts of peace, compassion, and forgiveness that will guide your actions.  This does not mean you need to be a doormat.  In fact, the opposite is true.  You need to be strong and courageous to trust God in your life.

Mother Theresa once said, “People may be irrational, illogical and self-centered.  Love them anyway.”  This is what makes the world a wonderful place to live.  Life is the greatest adventure even when it is not all good.  There is no script but the one you choose to write.  The problems of the world, though many, remind us that God is only good.  “The choice for this all-good God allows us, ironically, to deal victoriously with non-goodness.” (Richard Rohr)

Eve, you did good because God is good who lives in you.  You have made him a part of your story instead of allowing others to create you story.  Now it’s time for a new chapter.  What will you write?




Birthday Planning Detracts from Divorce

I’m grateful for the special occasions in my life like birthdays! It’s David’s birthday and he’s turning five years old. Oh, what joy it is for me to bake cupcakes and take them to his school. With so many preoccupations of divorce and work, I’m so happy to be baking and shopping for goodie bags and treats for the children in his classroom.

Although he wants Batman as his theme, he’s picked out the cupcakes he wants for girls, pink cupcakes with Peeps pink bunnies, and for the boys, he wants the brown cupcakes with chocolate icing and Peeps yellow bunnies on top. I think he’s so funny.

I can’t wait to for tomorrow night to bake while I sip Merlot and taste test the cupcakes. 😉 I’m glad for the downtown, all while doing something that will be memorable for David. He has also asked me to take him home after they celebrate his birthday at school. He told me all the other mothers take his friends home on their birthdays and he wants me to do the same. I’m definitely taking the day off to celebrate his birthday. He only turns five once. =)

Guiding Lesson: Eve, I can’t think of a better way to get your mind off of the divorce than baking cupcakes for your son and sipping Merlot.  I might have to join you.

I guess you have found out that one can not be focused on the divorce 24 hours a day.  Like any situation that is not pleasant and has potential to induce a great deal of stress, one needs to reengage with the rest of life. Life is much more than the one event.  It is made up of many.  So while your head may be spinning trying to work through the divorce, your children are the perfect reminder that the little things in life have the capacity to bring about much joy.  And what is more urgent than picking out the right theme and types of cupcakes for one’s birthday?

I know I have said it before and it is worth saying it again.  Children are an incredible blessing.  They have so much love for life and are entrenched in the moment.  They don’t dwell on what happened yesterday because it will get in the way of discovering, playing and laughing right now.

As you prepare for David’s birthday and take the day off to be with him, remember that this is possible because of Adam.  Both of you are responsible for David’s and Jonathan’s birth.  So when you resume your focus on the divorce, let the love you have for your children be the guiding light you need to respond and make the best decisions for all.