Category: Divorce

Divorce

How sex can be like fast food or organic food

cupcakes, online dating, relationship, divorced mom, single mom,

Enjoying much deserved cupcakes after a disastrous evening

How exciting it is to be connecting with friends on Facebook! I met someone who I knew in sixth grade and visited him at his house for the first time several weeks ago. I have to say that was a big mistake, Grace. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but recalling the text messages and phone calls, I felt a bit giddy and nervous at the same time.

I haven’t dated since about 14 years when I first met Adam and, quite honestly, forgot what it’s like to be asked on a date, have a proper courtship, or meet someone on neutral ground. When I showed up at his house I simply thought it would be nothing more than a friend meeting a friend from a long time ago.

Oh, Grace, then my yearning for touch got the best of me. One thing led to another and after about a month of talking it led to a physical encounter. I don’t know what I expected to happen; certainly it was not what I expected. After realizing what had just occurred, I bolted out of the house. My sense of touch combined with fleeting emotions for a meaningful relationship became a combination for disaster for this divorced mom. I’m feeling a little sick to my stomach. I need a cupcake!

Guiding lesson:

Eve, the sweet embrace that our human condition desires heightens in the presence of possibility and hunger that exists between physical beings.  The need for touch is normal and is necessary for growth that begins from the day we are born.  Without it, hearts and souls shrivel up.  Without it, hearts and souls are unable to understand true intimacy.  Without it, God’s embrace is never felt.

So what happened that day when you innocently went to visit your friend?  When you look deep inside, was there any part of you that was considering the possibility of an encounter?  I ask this because many times the silent, hidden parts of our beings are more aware than the parts that are visible.  It is for this reason that taking time for prayer, meditation, and silence is important to understand the depth that exists underneath the tip of the iceberg only found in the deep waters of the soul.

What would you have discovered by sitting and being still before the meeting?  Would you have felt some stirring that was like a little child pulling on the parent’s clothes trying to get their attention?  Would you have discovered your “longing for touch” attempting to make itself known?  This is what it means to live the spiritual life.  It begins in your body.  Your body holds all the wonderful senses, feelings, and thoughts that God uses to connect with you and invites you to a deeper encounter.

So where do you go from here?  Well, it’s important to look at what happened with gentle eyes and unfold this desire that was not filled from your last relationship.  It appears it has been neglected, but you also know a fleeting encounter will not suffice because it doesn’t have substance.  It’s like choosing to eat fast food vs. fresh organic foods that is prepared with love.  Your body will respond very differently and likewise with a touch.  When we are starving you will most likely choose the wrong foods or eat too much feeling horrible afterwards.  During these times, I’ve heard people say they need to go for a run or walk it off and isn’t this what you did?

Pay attention and begin to learn from your desire for a true embrace.  You deserve to be nurtured and caressed.  You will be satisfied as you awaken to the beauty of sincere and loving touch.  There is nothing like it.  There is a big difference and the choice is yours.

Pray that you will recognize love…for LOVE is looking for a true lover to embrace and hold.

Love,
Grace

Divorce

3 medicines for our soul

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Bon Bini, Grace. That means “welcome” in Papiamento, a local language spoken in Aruba. People on the island were hospitable from the moment we landed on our flight. Three friends and I took a taxicab from the airport to our accommodations, a one-bedroom apartment. We settled in and walked to the nearest market. The grocery trip was an experience, observing the packaging of food, the cost, and the differences from the California markets. We caught a shuttle nearby from one hotel to the end of another resort and walked a short distance back to our apartment.

Once we put everything away we changed into our swimsuits to what would be the first of many trips to the ocean, which was within walking distance from our room. The ocean was a beautiful shade of blue. The sand below our feet appeared so clean compared to the Santa Monica and Venice beaches. With our homemade cocktails in one hand and a good read in the other, we were set to stay for hours at the beach.

I slept, read, sipped. Ate. Slept, read, sipped. Ate. Slept, read, sipped. Ate. This was our daily routine for a week.

The time to just be was divine and, as you would suggest, divinely orchestrated. To simply be in the presence of the magnificent ocean, among good friends, and savory meals with fruity drinks was exactly what I needed after a life-altering experience. I knew at this moment that this trip was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I was in transition and embracing my journey.

beauty, God, grace, tragic event, spiritual, divorce, momGuiding Lesson:

Eve, what a great way to start over and begin again! Placing yourself in a scenic location where beauty is all around you is the right medicine for healing to start. It’s amazing how nature soothes the soul just by simply being magnificent in its perfect state. There are three things that our soul responds to and is constantly seeking: beauty, truth, and goodness. The heart and soul opens up and is able to experience the moment in full. Let me share a little more about this. 

Beauty, truth, and goodness can transform any mood. Imagine when you have had a very hard day and you decide to take a walk along the beach or a park. Just being in nature’s beauty you are able to relax. Nature’s vibrant colors, smells, sounds call you and mirror your own beauty, your own truth, and your own goodness within you. It is the God within that is greater than anything that is going wrong in your outer world. The beauty around you makes the moment truthful and good.

Now imagine if you happen to see a sunset while you are walking or a rainbow. This places you in the state of awe and wonder. People can’t help themselves but stop and watch for hours, if they could. Beauty, truth, and goodness are very hypnotic and your soul, though you may be in chaos, knows that all is well, all is good, and you know you are standing in a moment or truth. This helps you go on another day and not give up. These elements are the music that transcends the moment and makes it divine. 

If you notice, I keep talking about them as if they are one and, in fact, they are. Where one exists the other two are also there. These exist as one because they help us get a glimpse of who God is and yet he is more than this. It’s like when you see a baby. The power the baby has when he or she is carried into a room is phenomenal. Everyone stops and wants to see this little baby. Even if there are very important people in the room, the baby is the one that people are typically drawn to. Why? It’s because he or she has remarkable goodness that is beautiful and true. A baby doesn’t try to be anything other than an infant. In its truthful state we are struck by his or her beauty and goodness and in turn lifts our spirits as he or she reflects God and reminds us who we are.

Aruba is one of these places for you and glad you are able to enjoy it. It carries God’s reflection of God’s infinite beauty, goodness, and truth. You are able to recognize it because these elements are within you. And how easy it is to forget how beautiful and good you are in the true essence of who God created when you have experienced a tragic event. So enjoy this time and reclaim this. Surround yourself and robe yourself in it.

Here is a poem, “A Blessing for Beauty,” by John O’Donohue, I’d like to share. Please note that you can substitute the word Beauty for Goodness or Truth. Now let’s toast to beauty, goodness, and truth.

Grace

A Blessing for Beauty
by John O’Donohue, poem taken from Beauty: The Invisible Embrace

May the beauty of your life become more visible to you, that you may glimpse your wild divinity.

May the wonders of the earth call you forth from all your small, secret prisons and set your feet free in the pastures of possibilities.

May the light of dawn anoint your eyes that you may behold what a miracle a day is.

May the liturgy of twilight shelter all your fears and darkness within the circle of ease.

May the angel of memory surprise you in bleak times with new gifts from the harvest of your vanished days.

May you allow no dark hand to quench the candle of hope in your heart.

May you discover a new generosity towards yourself, and encourage yourself to engage your life as a great adventure.

May the outside voices of fear and despair find no echo in you.

May you always trust the urgency and wisdom of your own spirit.

May the shelter and nourishment of all the good you have done, the love you have shown, the suffering you have carried, awaken around you to bless your life a thousand times.

And when love finds the path to your door may you open like the earth to the dawn, and trust your every hidden color towards its nourishment of light.

May you find enough stillness and silence to savor the kiss of God on your soul and delight in the eternity that shaped you, that holds you and calls you.

And may you know that despite confusion, anxiety and emptiness, your name is written in Heaven.

And may you come to see your life as a quiet sacrament of service, which awakens around you a rhythm where doubt gives way to the grace of wonder, where what is awkward and strained can find elegance, and where crippled hope can find wings, and torment enter at last unto the grace of serenity.

May Divine Beauty bless you.

Divorce

Why Getting Away Can Shape a New You

Divorce, time, relax, nourish body, mind, spiritWith every door that closes, another one opens. And this time, it’s opening to Aruba! I’m leaving on a girls’ trip to the island for a week. My friends and I are so excited to be having some fun in the sun. I did tell them, however, that I’m going to eat, sleep, and read books. After my divorce, I could use time to relax and nourish my body, mind, and spirit.

Replenishing the body

Food is a time-tested activity that soothes us. Eating to nourish the body, rather than for emotional reasons, is a healthy habit. Cultural food experienced among friends will not only feed my body, but it’ll create new memories I can treasure. Who would disagree that good food and wine is best served with company?

Snoozing my mind

Resting the mind is essential to recover. This is exactly what I need. In my waking hours, I think a mile a minute. Before I can even finish one thought, I’ve started on another one. Napping helps me recharge and is recommended for everyone. Did you know that there’s a study that concludes the benefits of sleep include stronger memory and longer attention spans? Learning how to rest my mind will be a discipline I’ll practice daily. And starting on that habit is best begun in Aruba. Not to mention, sleeping helps the body recover too. 😉

Filling the well

When people think of nourishing the body they think of eating healthy, sleeping, and exercising. What I am doing is scheduling time to nourish my spirit or fill my well. For years I gave of my spirit to Adam and the well dried up. Planning to get away and enjoy the company of great friends is one way to nourish the spirit. Reading spiritual or personal development books is another planned activity to water the well. Connecting to myself in body and mind is yet another thing to do, carefully listening to what I need.

My body, mind, and spirit are saying, “Aruba, here we come!”

Guiding Lesson: 

divorce, present, reimagine,  reinvent, life, spiritual, grace, ChristianEve,

Aruba . . . how exciting! Sign me up. I could use a break myself. And then after a divorce, I’m glad you’re taking time to reboot and recharge.  

Endings are, in fact, new beginnings. Some you choose and some choose you. However, the choice you always have is how you decide to respond to the situation. Your response to go to Aruba is a great one. It is looking at the moment without looking back and without looking ahead.

During hard times, endings, or doors closing, the only thing you can do and have control over is the present. It is where your next heartbeat, your next breath, and your next step take place. Just one beat, one breath, and one step at a time. However, this is not easy because it is tempting to go back to what you know or to skip steps to get out of where you are. The present moment is the moment that is the most difficult to live in. It is the step that most want to try to speed up.        

So you must learn to be in this new space you find yourself in. When you look in the mirror, you may question your entire life and try to figure out what is real and what it means to be you in your new surroundings. This is why your plan is perfect. Getting away from your physical location, you can arrive and connect with your physical being – mind, body and soul. Aruba allows you to be and avoid from being lured into stepping back or stepping into the future too fast.

When you’re broken, you need to put back pieces but not necessarily in the same way. It’s a chance to reimagine and reinvent your life. But wait, not too fast for it is in the quiet, the silence, and the stillness that the greatest things happen. Just because you can’t see doesn’t mean that something extraordinary is not taking place. Look around your world. Look and really see the amazing miracles all around you. Nature is filled with small and long periods of what seems to be stillness, where nothing is happening. Yet, grass, flowers, trees, beaches and so much more are growing and creating the beauty just for you.

So go to Aruba and be still. Be aware. Simply be.

Here is a poem to reflect on:

Start Close In  by David Whyte

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people’s questions,
don’t let them
smother something
simple.

To find
another’s voice,
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don’t follow
someone else’s
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don’t mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don’t take
the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.