I feel the tension in the house, Grace. We decided to timeshare the house and when Adam sees me leave, he is angry. Dressed in heels to go out and with luggage in my hand, off I go for another week. I can’t imagine anyone enjoying the time away from their house, their comfort, their safe place. I don’t have my own bed to sleep in during the week that Adam has custody. When I return for my week with the boys, the emptiness of my bedroom is felt by the cold air from behind the closed doors.
I can tell Adam’s been drinking quite a bit. I know. As you remember, for the first three months I drank with my best friend, Merlot, consoled by the divine spirit. Now, it is Adam’s turn to feel the sting and pain of reality. I don’t wish this on him, but I didn’t realize how much hurt he feels when I leave. He told me he doesn’t like when I get dressed to go out because he doesn’t know if I’m going out with someone else.
As far as I’m concerned, there is no going back with Adam. I’m done with that chapter in the book and the old song is retired. I go upstairs to unpack my bags, ready to spend a blessed week with the boys. Adam is saying his “goodbyes.” The boys are crying and Adam’s eyes begin to water. Everyone feels the pain, the well of emotion overflows.
Guiding Lesson: Eve, this must be gut-wrenching. Everyone is so raw with emotions that are bleeding out as loss of yesterday is felt with each good bye. The life that everyone once knew has been dismantled and is becoming a distant memory. All of you seem to be trying to get your footing but stumbling from the intense sadness and grief. You and your family are walking in a daze, a dream, or better yet a nightmare, that you can’t wake up from. You are having a hard time hearing a new song being played but hear notes that are flat and begging to stop.
Yet, I can tell in your heart you are holding on to the hope of tomorrow even though today it seems far away. It takes great faith, strength and courage to take each new step when there is so much darkness all around. The glimmer of hope and faith of a new song provide the light, even though it is small, to guide you on this new and unfamiliar path.
Eve, your great faith will free you from this moment and be your saving grace. Life has a way of pushing you off the cliff, testing your spirit and dragging your heart through great anguish in hopes that you will live a life that is more real, more compassionate and involves less ego. The is what I call Divine open heart surgery. All I can say is trust and know you are in good hands, the best most loving hands you will ever be in.
Grace
MissGuidedMom 