Valentine’s Day was a day to reflect on my love of a relationship. Whether it’s getting ready in the morning, having dinner together or sharing the parenting responsibility, I realized just how much I truly enjoy having a partner to experience the everyday things in life. I’m fully aware that my perspective on marriage and relationships is based on always being in a relationship and never being alone.
Grace, the more I think about being alone, the more difficult it is for me to jump right in and accept it. I mentally and emotionally struggle with the complexities of being alone, suffering of what I feel is abandonment, and feeling as I was rejected. At the same time, I also realize that I need to experience the process of being alone. I also know that I won’t be alone. I will have God, my friends and family. But to be honest with you, Grace, having those people around me is not the same as having someone next to me in bed or getting butterfly feelings in my tummy.
I yearn to have someone next to me for so many reasons. And Valentine’s Day doesn’t make it any easier when thinking about my situation. I think I’ll just indulge in a well-deserved Red Velvet cupcake. Cupcakes always bring a smile to my face and a satisfying feeling in my tummy, may not be butterfly feelings, but they sure lift my spirits. =)
Guiding Lesson: Your heart may not be leaping for joy but your stomach sure did as you bit into that seductive red velvet cupcake! Yes, Eve, it is wonderful to share each moment, whether big or small with that special someone. Life is filled with many events and the good times are multiplied when you have that person who makes your heart sing. So what do you do when you don’t have anyone who fills this role in your life? What are you supposed to do when the loneliness is so great that it feels like an endless dark cloud that doesn’t lift?
Well there is an answer to these questions. The only thing that can overcome loneliness is helping to, with God’s grace, transform it into solitude. Eve, solitude is the answer to loneliness. It is a place where you begin to enjoy your own company and look forward to spending time with yourself. You discover that you are a great companion. In this state you are able to find a healthy companion to share your life with. However, if you are not able to learn to enjoy the quiet moments with yourself, you may find that it will be difficult to attract healthy relationships. What you will attract are people who might be more self-absorbed and your role will be to take care of them. They won’t see your value but your neediness to have a relationship and hence they will find a use for you.
You don’t need to take my guidance. The loneliness factor in the world is tremendous. If you sit still and listen you will hear the people mourning and longing for a significant other. You have a choice to join in or to look at loneliness in the eye and befriend it. Don’t run away into someone else’s arms because you will eventually experience the sting of loneliness again. It is like cancer. If you don’t deal with it correctly, it may return and become terminal.
It is easier said than done. Loneliness does not transform into solitude over night. In fact, when you first arrive, you will need to learn to breathe in this new space because it will feel like you are in a different universe than what you are used to. Paying attention to your breathing will be important so that you can then move into becoming present before your Divine Lover. Remember, God wants to give you the desires of your heart. But he can’t if you are working against his will. Your breath, your stillness, your trust and your faithfulness will provide the opening for God to lead you both to each other. I promise that if you are faithful to sitting still in God’s presence and embracing your self-worth, you will be lead to solitude, to peace, to joy. In this state, you will encounter someone who also is able to see your self-worth because they see their own. They have also allowed their loneliness to be transformed into solitude. You will not be strangers because your souls have made the journey to meet before you actual meet in person. Once you meet him, you will have a soulful experience like you’ve never had before.
So my question is, what is greater, your immediate self-gratification or trusting in God’s Will that he has someone for you that is worthy of your love? Only you can answer this. Know that God is a God of Love. True, healthy and faithful love comes from him. Are you willing to give in to loneliness or embrace solitude?
Here is a short prayer that you can say: “Dear God, send me the person who is deserving of my love because I trust in your will for me.”