As hurt as I am for what Adam has done, I still planned on cooking an early Thanksgiving meal. I wanted to try a new recipe and thought it would be a perfect time for us to sit down at the dinner table and have good conversation, reflect on the many things we should be grateful for, even after the betrayal. I know there is so much goodness in him, yet he has been derailed, and now on the wrong journey to get back home.
I told him dinner would be at 6:30 p.m. Adam texted me to let me know he would not be coming home for dinner. At that point, I just deleted his text, looked up at the sky and prayed. God, what should I do? Where do I go from here? I’m trying everything. I have done everything. I have nothing left to do. I knew Adam had checked out of this marriage. And Grace, you know what I heard? God reminded me that He is my provider. He will take care of me in every way. He told me to focus on me, and what I want will come. Grace, I decided to prepare an eventful and early Thanksgiving meal for my handsome boys and me. I had so much to be thankful for and two precious reasons were looking right back at me. They make me smile.
I read Real Simple’s recipe for sweet potatoes with pecans and parmesan side dish that just sounded devine, and paired with wine, I was ready to bake. I truly enjoy the texture of sweet potatoes and so much more for its color–orange is my favorite color, you know. I didn’t have too much time on Saturday since Jonathan had Taekwondo and I still needed to go to the grocery store.
Realizing that the sweet potato dish was going to take the longest, I peeled the sweet potatoes, cut them up and microwaved them for about eight minutes. I was trying to reduce the baking time that the recipe required and it worked. I followed the rest of the recipe, placed the sweet potatoes in the oven and waited. Then I took the Betty Crocker scalloped potatoes and made them on the stovetop. With children you just never know if they’ll like something different like the sweet potatoes with pecans and parmesan so I figured might as well prepare something else they might actually eat. I wanted something different than mashed potatoes with the turkey breast.
I took the store bought Jennie-O’s Turkey Breast Roast that you can microwave in six minutes. I felt like I was cheating, but my goodness, Grace, this was so easy! Just cut open the pouch where the turkey breast and gravy was in and place in a microwavable container. Well, you know me, I took out my cranberry Tupperware container, placed the contents in there and microwaved the turkey. So easy!
After opening the can of corn and French cut green beans, I microwaved those too…hehehehe…what a breeze! No meal would be complete without sweet rolls. We love those sweet rolls and I, for one, have to contain myself. Oh, but wait, no special meal of mine would be complete without a glass of wine, and this time it was Robert Mondavi’s Pinot Noir.
I placed a golden tablecloth and matching napkins on the table. Besides my Pinot Noir, I poured the boys grape flavored Gatorade in clear glasses and they got a kick out of that. I remembered that you said I should include the boys while in the kitchen and have a fun experience cooking, setting the table and enjoying our meal. We sat down and prayed for the food before us, for the roof over our head, and for family and friends that are in our lives. Jonathan, quickly said, “Amen. That was a short one.” And I thought, “Of course, that prayer was short, you just said ‘Amen.’” I laughed inside and was filled with joy, knowing that I had the best in my world–two handsome boys that were going to grow up to be compassionate, loving young men.
Good thing for me, David literally gave me a thumb’s up on the sweet potatoes with pecans and parmesan. It was so funny to see him do that. When he tasted everything, he took notice of the food’s aroma, looked up as to contemplate what he actually thought of each food item, and then, licked his lips. He took his spoon in his right hand and circled it above his plate and said, “I like everything a lot.” I think David might be a food critic. He made me laugh.
Sitting there at the head of the table made me realize there was so much to be thankful for. I was grateful for having a job, for having our home, for having time to be with my boys, for having my friends and family who love me, and for God’s grace that I knew was going to get me through this really challenging time. Thank you, Grace, for guiding me and helping me see that God is my provider. He will take care of all my needs and I am blessed to believe in Him. I know one thing–I am getting ready to go on a journey of self-discovery as I find my way back home, back home to Him.
As tears started streaming down my cheeks, Jonathan asked me, “Why are you crying, Mom?”
I looked at Jonathan and David. Both were looking right back at me with wonder in their eyes. I said, “I’m just really happy that we are together tonight and that we’ll have each other forever.” I smiled, knowing that internally I was feeling alone, abandoned, hurt, scared, and anxious of what was to come. I knew, though, the tears were of my past and present because God was making room to fill my well with unimaginable abundance.
Guiding Lesson: Well, Eve, the holidays are a time to come home to family and friends. It is a time to feel the warmth and be reminded of all the wonderful gifts given to you by God. I am so glad you decided not to let Adam’s decision ruin your plans with your two handsome boys. Granted emotions and expectations run high during this time of year, so kudos to you for making the early Thanksgiving meal special. And how wonderful it is to share what God has bestowed on you with your boys by enjoying a meal that was made possible by the work of human and divine hands. Gratitude is truly a gift that will help them live a life of joy.
I see you are also taking the journey back home to your first love, which also leads you back home to yourself. The two cannot be separated. There is a story about how God was wondering where he could dwell so that his beloved children could remember they are not alone and that he loves them. He first considered the mind so they could get to know him. But he realized the intellect might create an illusion of prestige that they have because of their knowledge and think they are above others. Then, he thought about the gut where courage begins to rise up that leads to action. But yet again he felt that their courage might give them a false sense of power that they felt was their own. So in both cases there would be no room for God.
Then, he began to think of what lead him to even want to create man and woman. It was and still is the overflowing love that is within him. This is when he knew that the answer was to make a dwelling place in the heart of humanity. You see, his love cannot be contained and explodes into the universe breathing life into his work of art. His magnificent love is what gives us existence. His beating heart causes our hearts to beat.
In fact, a conversion or step towards God does not begin with the intellect/prestige or courage/power but is caused by a spark from the heart. The heart may break, but the brokenness causes us to see his light shining through even brighter so look no further for God has made a dwelling place within your heart and is not planning on checking out.
He is home to stay. Welcome home, Eve. God is with you and has blessed you. Take time to encounter him. Don’t be a stranger to him or yourself. For every time your heart beats, it’s God’s way of knocking to let you know he is waiting for you. Don’t keep him waiting.