I would like to go to the bathroom without one of my boys trying to open the door, watch or talk with me. I would like to take a shower without one of my boys sitting on the toilet seat waiting for me to finish and step out of the tub. I would like to change my clothes in the morning or at night where David does not try to reach for my breasts exclaiming, “My tetas!” I would like to walk from room to room in my home without the boys asking me, “Where are you going, Mommy?” I would like to put my boys in bed at bedtime without one of them telling me to also go to sleep.
Ahhhhhhhhh! Calgon, take me away! Oh, wait…I’m not the star of that commercial. Okay, okay, so Grace, how long does this period take? Really, I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere to go when I’m with the boys. About the only place I can escape to is the bathroom, or so I thought.
I long to stay up for a few hours after they go to sleep. I can catch up on all my recorded television shows. I can get online. I can read a magazine or a book. I can call a friend. And best of all, I can relax with Merlot.
Guiding Lesson: Eve, those precious little boys adore you. They can’t imagine a world without their mom. Sometimes I forget that they are separate beings from you. If they could, they would probably want to crawl back in your womb. They want all of you and then some more of you. I can understand the need for some space. Will it change? Of course it will. It will be here sooner than later. I know you are aware of this, but it doesn’t take away the need for some “me” time right now.
What can you do? I think it’s great that you stay up a little longer to get some time to yourself. Would it work if you got up earlier, unless you need your rest to function? What type of support system do you have? Is there anyone who can help out once in awhile so you get a break? Does it help if you have playdates so you can connect with other moms while your sons play? Can you and your boys watch a movie that you enjoy so there is time to relax? Take advantage of any opportunity you get to have some “me” time. You deserve it!
Please remember this phase will pass. Your relationship with your sons will change and evolve. In the meantime, reach out for help, have daily routines that allow you to breathe and engage your children in activities that allow you to relax. And sometimes it’s ok to cry, to get frustrated and to want to hide. You are an amazing mom. Your boys will thank you for taking the time to care for yourself. They will be better for this…and so will you. I think it’s Calgon time and maybe one glass of Merlot would be nice. Enjoy.