I never thought of love as reacting or acting. In the book, The Love Dare, the authors dedicate Day 2 to Love is Kind. While demonstrating kindness in marriage is expected—although we don’t always do it—showing kindness during divorce can be exhausting. I know I am exaggerating because frankly, I have been kind to Adam. But when you are confronted with betrayal, infidelity, and Magdalena, kindness can jump off the cliff. Enter Merlot.
With a glass of red wine in one hand and a pen in the other, I write down all the pros and cons of acting kind to Adam.
- Boys benefit
- Positive energy attracts more positive energy
- Reduces bitterness and anger
- Less drama
- I am being love
- God wants me to be kind
- I don’t have to pretend to be kind all the time
Ugh…I know I am imperfect, which means I don’t have to act kind all the time. But when I think of the times I was faced to make a choice of how to react and act, I chose to be forgiving. Forgiving of Adam and forgiving of me, for what happened, for how I felt and for my boys. However, I am now conscious of love is kind so I am inspired to act in kindness.
To be kind is divine. To be real is to feel. Each side offers truth, healing and growth. So is there a way that both can exist in harmony and still lead to a loving relationship in a divorce? Let’s see.
I believe that is it is important to honor both sides. You need to start with your feelings at any given moment. It doesn’t mean you will react based upon your emotions, it just means you acknowledge and recognize what’s happening inside of you. There is a reason for every feeling and it is like an indicator light in a car to tell you something may be wrong and needs to be taken care of. Once you fix the issue you will be able to continue driving with peace of mind.
Since Day 2 is on Kindness, let’s expand on it. I kind of think what Adam did was horrible. I kind of think Magdelena should have more respect for you and your family. I kind of think Adam doesn’t always deserve to be treated with kindness. I kind of think your children didn’t deserve to go through divorce and learn the pain of separation at such a young age.
I guess what I’m trying to encourage you to do is find a way to really release everything so it doesn’t seep out and impact others. Some ideas are: writing/journaling, drawing (or some form of art), exercising, punching pillows (or some other similar physical activity), sharing your honest feelings with someone safe who won’t judge and tell you that you should not feel like this. The purpose for doing this is to live in truth so you have the ability to elegantly respond with true kindness. Your kindness will not be a burden. Instead, it will delight and bring joy to your heart and soul.
Eve, I give you permission to find a safe environment to be real. Only then will you be able to experience the phrase “Love is kind” to the fullest because you were first kind to yourself, to your feelings and to expressing your feelings instead of denying them.
Eve, I kind of think it is time for Merlot to join us. Just being real 🙂