Mindshifts make me think of motherhood and how we must change our way of thinking when we give birth. A newborn requires total dependency on his mother for everything—eating, diaper changing, swaddling, bathing, every moment of his life. As an infant grows and develops to various stages of childhood, he depends on his mother in different ways. As a mother, a mindshift occurred when both Jonathan and David were born. Everything I did was for them—everything, everything, but staying with their father, Adam, after the infidelity.
Certain days during the divorce trigger conflicting thoughts. Am I making the right choice? I see photographs of the boys when they were younger and think, “They are so young. I want them to live with two parents.” I know I am not alone when I think about this. Other moms and dads going through a divorce must think the same thing.
I guess I’m just wondering how long it will take me to make a mindshift that will accept the situation I am in now and realize there is no going back. Oh, Grace, I need a cupcake!
Eve, I’ll have a cupcake with you, preferably a red velvet.
Mindshifts are not easy. If they were easy then many would stop smoking, exercise frequently, eat healthy, maintain their weight loss, etc. The tendency is to go back to what is familiar. You have been riding down the same track for years. This has helped establish patterns that your mind and heart know very well. Even if it wasn’t good for you, the pattern to stay on course is stronger than the desire for something new or even better.
What makes this so hard? One of the hardest changes to make is when your mind and heart only know the old pattern and don’t have the experience or understanding of anything other than this. Your old patterns are usually based on values, priorities and beliefs that are the drivers that led you to this point. To go down another path, you will have to challenge, re-evaluate or let go of these to embrace your new situation.
I must tell you that there is a strong pull when you have values and/or beliefs that were ingrained in you as a child. This is not bad nor does this need to prevent you from stretching and journeying to new shores. Look at your values and beliefs as the foundation that is solid. The foundation is solid enough to expand and build on your current structure. This will require you to be creative and see new possibilities that didn’t exist when you first moved into the home built on this foundation.
Do you remember how the people in the 15th century thought the world was flat and you could fall off the earth if you sailed to the edge? Well, their belief system prevented their minds to see other possibilities since they didn’t have experiences or patterns to prove this existed. Their foundation was that God created the world. Now it was time to learn more of what God created and had in store for them.
I like to ask you to discern what beliefs or values are you holding onto that need to be expanded upon so you can see and embrace the new life that God has for you beyond your current horizon? What do you need to challenge, re-evaluate and/or let go to create a new life with your children and establish a new relationship with your children’s father?
As I mentioned, this is not easy, but it is not impossible. It just requires you to find the brave explorer within you to sail beyond the horizon you see and believe there is a new horizon you can’t see. A new world awaits you. What do you believe?