Grace, I know what you mean by saying, “I matter.” This statement just makes me think that I didn’t make myself a priority in marriage. Oftentimes, what matters most is what your spouse wants or what your children want. We lose ourselves in the family dynamic.
Meeting my needs and making myself a priority is just as important as my spouse’s. I should have realized this and maybe things would have been different. But honestly, there’s no purpose in thinking about the “what if,” but just acknowledging the importance of a lesson learned.
Eve, you are absolutely right. There is no need to dwell on “what ifs.” It’s like looking backwards or driving in reverse while trying to move forward. Most likely, you will end up getting into an accident or hurting yourself.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to understand or overlook what your situation was trying to teach you. It is very important to evaluate and learn from the events in your life, however, it doesn’t serve you any good to analyze it to death. It can cause you to get stuck due to analysis paralysis. And if you miss the lesson, believe me, life will provide you with similar scenarios to reassess, relearn and redo. Soap operas are great at depicting this. How many times do the characters get to relive the same lesson with different lovers or die and yet don’t really die? How about when they leave for a couple of years and on their return they have to face the same enemies, addictions, compulsions, etc.? This is life. It’s best if you don’t take yourself too seriously otherwise you won’t be living, learning, growing or enjoying the gift that it is.
Maybe this is a good time to just sit in prayer, silence or journal and become aware of your lessons, give thanks and allow healing to take place. Your gratitude will open up doors to your future by paving a path to live your life with greater love and joy. You might even encounter Grace on the way.