Taking Control After Losing It

I said I wanted to be active and decided to just do it. I took a long look at myself in the mirror after I showered. I told myself I loved me so much that I was going to be healthy, fit and active. An added benefit is minimizing the health risks so I can be present to Jonathan and David. My two boys mean everything to me and I need to be here for them.

A friend took pictures of me in workout clothes and a bikini so I can record the body changes from month to month. When I saw the pictures, I cried. Grace, I have lost control of myself. The bulges and belly fat are horrific. What have I done? How could I have lost so much control? After I wiped away my tears, I took control and changed my perspective. “I am healthy, fit and active! I am healthy, fit and active!” I just kept on saying this as a way of believing it. I know my determination and how I fare when setting my mind to something. I will do it. There is no other option because I, now, have to feed, nourish and sustain ME.

I am eating differently. I am eating to fuel my body and give me the energy to work out so I can enjoy the things that matter in life. The boys are enrolled in a baseball league and I am going to do my cardio exercise while they are at their baseball practices. I want them to see me as an active mom. Together we are going to focus on staying active.

Guiding Lesson:

Eve, I know how determined you are.  It’s a quality that has helped you rise up from many difficult situations and face many challenges.  Well, this is just another challenge.  So let’s begin . . . 

I liked when you said that you will be eating to fuel your body so you have energy to work out and enjoy the things that matter in life.  This is a new perspective.  It requires a mind-shift that is not easy to do.  The key is in making this shift.  It starts with your thoughts that lead to action and build character.  (However, there is a secret ingredient that I will reveal at the end that none of us have control over yet takes away the struggle completely.)    

Did you ever think “why” there is so much mindless eating?  Yes, emotions play into it as well as your external situations.  However, what causes your mind to shut down a d relinquish all reason, control and will to food, alcohol, shopping, gambling, etc.?  And during your altered state, you deny it is even possible.  If someone were to make you aware, you would be so offended as you are scarfing down a bag of chips, a gallon of ice cream, six red velvet cupcakes, or whatever food that is in front of you.  Why can’t you say “stop” when you know how ridiculous it is to indulge in this manner every day?  How do you make yourself a priority where your brain only acts based on your well-being at all times?  Is this even possible?   

I wish I had an easy answer.  Everyone, as human beings, has an area or two in their lives that they struggle with.  It could be physical, emotional, social (relationships), mental, occupational, spiritual or financial.  The very thing that you struggle with is the thing that holds a great treasure if you walk through the struggle.  It doesn’t mean you will overcome it, it means that you are faithful in the struggling and living it with great integrity.  The alcoholic who lives life in denial versus the one who admits it, and with great humility, returns to their preciousness in the very mess that they found themselves in.     

Eve, commit to being faithful in the struggle.  Don’t just focus on the outcome because you may set expectations that may disappoint you.  However, if your expectations are to be faithful, no matter how many times you fall, you will always rise again stronger and more aware of your inner beauty.  And you may find there might be something special that God may decide to grant you and take the struggle away called grace.  So it is only by the  “Grace” of God, if he wills it, that a struggle is completely overcome.  And if this happens, let us humbly give thanks, and if it doesn’t, then let us humbly give thanks for the faithfulness to continue the struggle with God. 

 Love, Grace