Grace, how do I get over the feeling of loneliness? The feeling is so overwhelming when I am alone and laying in bed. Although intimacy wasn’t present in our marriage, I remember being comforted by having Adam next to me. At night, I would turn around to hug him.

Now, there is emptiness not only in bed, but also in my heart. How do I fill the void? Will the loneliness become bearable? I’ve never been alone and I know it’s good for me to try. I just can’t seem to want to try, Grace. I miss the human touch; I miss the cuddling; I miss the companionship.

On one hand, I want to withdraw from any social interactions. On the other, I want to overcompensate and meet people to get a chance at finding love again. I know, however, that the desire to fulfill my physical needs is greater than the desire to intellectually and emotionally connect with someone at this time. And to be honest, Grace, I can hear my mom’s voice when she used to say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Do I really want to give the milk for free? At this point, Grace, I may not want to give the milk for free, but sometimes a tall glass of cold milk is so refreshing and I just may be willing to serve it.

Guiding Lesson: Got milk?  There must something more to this slogan.

Eve, even as adults we crave to be soothed, to be held and to be comforted. These needs are very normal and healthy with the right person. Infants know this as they will begin to cry when someone else, who is not their caregiver, wants to hold them. However, this innate desire to be held by the one who loves you is compromised as you grow up. Confusion of whom to trust is not as clear or seems as important. What happened?

Here are some questions that you can think about to help you uncover the “why”:

  1. Think back to when you were a child.  Were hugs freely given or were they a luxury or even withheld?  I forget who said this, but it is important to continue hug children four times a day everyday.
  2. Are there healthy options to getting the physical contact you desire without spilling the milk & then crying over it?  (i.e. massage, hugs from your kids and friends, etc.)
  3. What do you need to embrace within yourself that needs attention?
  4. How hungry are you for physical contact?  If too hungry or starving, the decisions you make will not be the healthiest.

There is a ritual you can do to help you move through this phase.  Are you open, Eve, to try something different?

Every night before you go to bed, light a candle and make time to connect with God in prayer.  Some ideas:  1) Sit still while focusing on your true love.    2) You could practice breathing exercises.  Imagine God whispering “I love you” as he is giving you your next breath.  And then as you breathe out you are saying “I love you” back to him.  3) Write a letter to God in your journal and share your desire with him.  4) Listen to love songs and imagine dancing with God.  Whatever you decide, the idea is about getting centered and intentionally making time for the one who’s desire to hold you is greater than your desire to be held.

After you have connected back to God, it’s time to get ready for bed. Shut all the lights and imagine your bed as the arms of God.  As you lay there, focus on this and begin to feel God’s arms.  If you continue to do this every night, you will begin to feel the hunger pangs disappear and be filled with comfort that no man will give.  You might even be surprised and transcend to actually feel like a child again who is being held by the Almighty God of the Universe.  I also want to add that the first part doesn’t need to take that long.  It is getting your body, mind and spirit ready to be free from the worries, anxieties and pressures of the day so you can fall into the arms of God.  If you are carrying to many things with you, you will not be able to surrender into this intimate union.

Well, let me leave you with a song so you can remember your desire is God’s desire.  He can’t get enough of you.  He continues to pursue you and unite with you.  Let him.  He won’t disappoint you.

Grace

You who dwell in the shadow of His wings,
who abide in His shadow for life,
say to the Lord: ‘My refuge,
my God in whom I trust!’

(Chorus) And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
and famine will bring you no fear:
under His wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

(Chorus)And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

You need not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day;
though thousands fall about you,
near you it shall not come.

(Chorus) And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

For to His angels He’s given a command
to guard you in all of your ways’
upon their hands they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a stone.

(Finale)
And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings, bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of His hand.

Posted by Marisol Barrios as MissGuided Mom's "Eve"

After 12 years of marriage, I found myself suddenly divorced with two sons to raise. Inspired by life's events, I decided to create "Eve" and tell her story, a story that will resonate with many women. "Eve" will take you through the good, the bad, and the ugly of marriage, motherhood, career and divorce. After numerous delicate situations, she decides to surrender her life to a higher being and welcomes her guardian angel who teaches her life lessons. Join "Eve," her guardian angel, and friends as she takes you through an unimaginable journey of self-discovery. (Pictured: Caterina Clarke as MissGuided Mom's Guardian Angel "Grace" and Marisol Barrios as MissGuided Mom's "Eve")

One Comment

  1. I love this reminder to make “time for the one who’s desire to hold you is greater than your desire to be held.” So often times we walk around saying “I want this” or “I want that”, but don’t make the space for these desires to come into our lives. It truly is an exercise, isn’t it?

    And the point about desire…as women – even the most confident, tough-skinned, or seemingly “sturdy” of us – we want to be desired, we want to be pursued, we want someone to feel like they can’t get enough of us. It’s good to be reminded that in the eyes of God/the Universe, we are just that, and in the most gentle, loving way.

    Thanks.

    Like

    Reply

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