Patterns make it easy to repeat and create something familiar. Even children learn patterns in preschool. Patterns, good or bad, guide us through recurring events or experiences. I once heard that our past (patterns) is our predictable future. This statement really resonated with me; and when I relapse into old patterns, I have to remind myself of this statement. After an evening talk with Merlot (and sometimes two cupcakes…shhhh), I begin my recovery and re-evaluate what the pattern is, how and why I relapsed. I ask what I need to do to change it so I can have a different outcome when raising Jonathan and David. Sometimes I think this process would’ve helped me out with Adam.
I think today is one of those days. With Merlot by my side, I re-evaluate the step and repeat of the past few months. I realize the separation in my marriage, the raising of two boys every other week, and the sole responsibility of a household truly places a heavy toll on me. My patience wears out, my stress is heightened, and my energy is misplaced.
It’s time for a mindshift so I can create a pattern that works for all of us—a pattern that is productive, collaborative and rewarding. My wheels are turning!
Eve, you are at a good place to create new patterns. Your willingness to be real and honest with yourself is the first step. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. So let’s begin.
Once you evaluate your current patterns, it will be tempting to want to tackle several areas. From my experience, it will be more worthwhile to choose one or two things. If you choose the right one, it will have impact in other parts of your life. So keep it simple. You will be more successful, less stressed and hopefully have more patience with your children, which will make them happy.
Once you identify the one area you want to focus on, find an accountability partner(s) with whom you interact frequently. The chances of you making a shift will increase dramatically. In Pearls of Grace, I’ve listed a few things to keep in mind when working out the process with your accountability partner.
Another great thing about having an accountability partner(s) is that they will benefit from your journey. They may even be surprised that your area of focus is also what they need to work on. It’s crazy how this works. You might call it the work of Grace. :)
Finally, make sure you celebrate along the way. Be careful what you choose because you don’t want to reach the end of the journey needing to change a pattern that you adopted during your celebration. It defeats the purpose, but it happens very often.
Regardless of your success, approach this with a grateful heart for where you are, the ability to take the journey and the openness to receive gifts along the way whether you achieve your goal or not. I am very excited for you. Know that I am here and will reach out to help in anyway I can while allowing you to embrace a new way of life.