As I begin to really uncover the “why” and “how of my old patterns and habits, I thought I’d go back to a few weeks ago and finish reflecting on characteristics that I think make a good marriage or relationship. I see how Adam might have blamed me for his own unhappiness. He said I didn’t stroke his ego enough. He said I didn’t give him attention or enough affection. He said I was too busy working long hours and didn’t spend time with him. He said we made the boys our priority.
Grace, I think about how I was simply content with how he handled situations. I gave up on him and certain matters in our marriage. Instead of looking at how I can change my situation or talk to him again and again, I just handled the everyday tasks at home and at work.
In a relationship or marriage, it’s so easy to blame others and point the finger elsewhere. Often, we don’t want to look inward and see what role we play in being accountable for what happens in our own lives. We simply think it is because of what others do that places us in certain predicaments or situations. In reality, the choices we make lead us to where we are at in life. Taking responsibility for our own lives, actions and situations is definitely the first step to acknowledging our own accountability.
I also realize that there is a different perspective to accountability that I believe Adam did not think about. He forgot that in marriage you are not only accountable for yourself, but for others in your family, including your children. Choices Adam made affected not just him, but the boys and me. He was accountable to all of us. We have to remember that, as parents, we are accountable to our children and how our choices will impact their lives and those in direct relation to them.
I know, now, that in my life I need to be purposeful and make intentional choices that will lead me to a better path for my boys, for those around me and myself. From now on, I’ll be pointing the finger right at myself no matter how it might hurt to know that I was responsible for whatever it may be.
Guiding Lesson: Eve, taking responsibility and being accountable truly changes the world you live in, the way you relate to the people around you and your ability to learn the lessons that lead you to a grace-filled life. You probably have discovered that not many in the world like to take a look at the role they played and believe that they have contributed to their own circumstance. Yet how quick they are to make sure that someone is to blame and pay for their misery.
Eve, this path you have chosen to take has few travelers. However, one does not take this path to accumulate friends. One chooses it because of a deep call to truth, union with God and inner peace regardless of how others decide to live their lives. The funny thing is that those on this path often ask if they did the choosing or did the path choose them? This helps them stay humble, faithful and open. If you ever get to know someone on your journey, cherish them like you would a priceless gem, for they are few and far between.
As you have reflected about your marriage, you noticed the paths you and Adam took were separate and did not connect or really lead anywhere. You were both going around in circles that eventually got your head spinning to where you had no choice but to stop and see you were on a road to nowhere. However, now you have direction. You may not know what to expect but you do know that there lies hope, blessings and new life that continue to meet you on this great adventure. Receive what is before you and let go of what has left you. Eve, the path before you is waiting for you to take the next step. So take responsibility, which is the ability to respond and create your new life.