Three Resolutions to a Better Relationship with Myself

The past few months have been a time of much reflection and as I welcome the New Year I thought I would come up with a few resolutions I could work on in relationships, motherhood, career and through the divorce process.

Although I don’t have a marriage anymore, I certainly have learned some lessons from my relationship with Adam. I thought I could apply some of the lessons and work on improving my relationship with myself. So what are three things I could work on? Hmmmm….Grace, I feel like there are so many to choose from, which doesn’t sound promising. However, in my defense, I’m a hard critic of myself, an overachiever, and see weaknesses in myself where others see strengths.

Seek to Understand
Grace, I decided to take time to understand my relationship patterns, acceptance of situations for which I couldn’t control, and myself. I know this sounds rather broad, but I know with direction from a therapist, I can uncover what is truly beneath the wounds so I can stop wearing the bandages. By doing so, I can heal properly. Until then, I can’t be happy with anyone without being fearful of situations repeating themselves.

Forgive Myself
This resolution may sound awkward, but I need to forgive myself for allowing certain situations. I think I didn’t set boundaries from the beginning and I know I should have done that. I know this will take time because I can just see it now, Grace, getting misguided as I take this journey. I just hope I don’t make too many wrong turns or worse, make a U-turn. Try to keep me on check. If I happen to ignore the evident, rip the bandages so I will remember the pain and get back on track again. Ouch! But sometimes necessary when you wear those damn rosy glasses! You know what I’m talking about, Grace.

Celebrate Small Moments
Wondering what the small moments I want to celebrate are? A great therapy session, forgiving myself for a situation in my life, accepting that I cannot change something, doing homework with Jonathan without feeling frustrated, having a smooth evening with the boys after school, or just simply getting up in the morning when I feel depressed. These small achievements may be everyday moments yet they are grand in the scheme of how they make us feel. We can either choose to celebrate that we made the choice to move forward without stress, complaining or nagging or we can choose to whine, irritate others, or feel helpless.

I do treat myself to small things like flavored coffee, Merlot, brie cheese, cupcakes, occasional chocolate bars, Red Vines, Red Robin Burgers bottomless steak fries, among other things. (The list of food treats is rather long.) Besides these small treats, this year I want to celebrate by doing something out of the ordinary. I want to get out of my comfort zone. I’ll have to think about what that may be, but I want to do something different and exciting.

My journey of self-discovery has begun and I believe 2011 will bring many blessings. I do predict unexpected challenges, but what life wouldn’t have these moments to make us stronger? Right, Grace? Cheers to a year of understanding, forgiving and celebrating!

Guiding Lesson: Eve, I love it!  I absolutely love your resolutions!  They are inspiring as well as actionable.  I could not have chosen anything better for you.  You truly have done a lot of reflection and have dug deep into your soul where you were able to hear the longing of your true self.  This is all anyone can hope to do when one values integrity like you do.

Well, Eve, you are about to have yourself an amazing year that will transform your life and those around you.  I can’t promise that it will be easy and smooth because the journey of self-discovery is not for the faint of heart.  I can promise that it will be enriching and you will begin to feel alive like you never have before.  I can also promise that I will be there with you every step of the way to guide you but I will never take away your free will.  If you do stray, I will not stray from your side and will help redirect you.  If by chance you need to make a U-turn it will only be because you have discovered a new part of you that has been waiting for the right and ripe time.

I am so excited for you, your journey and the gifts that are waiting for you.  I see we have plenty of food to take along with us so it doesn’t look like we will starve anytime soon.  I have to admit I do start salivating when you start talking about your indulgences.  Sometime an angel likes to indulge too, you know.

I want to leave you with a theme that summarizes your year.  You can use it as a mantra so that when things get tough you can remember why you are on your journey.  It is from Psalm 98:1 “Sing a new song unto the Lord.”  This reflects that you are done with your old song and will begin composing a new one as you take this journey.  The old song is worn out and does not serve you anymore in your life, in your relationships, in your role as mother and in your career.  It has led you here and it is time to retire it.  There is a song in you that is yet to be written, yet to be sung and yet to be celebrated.  To complete this song you will need to be:  Faithful to the journey, Open to letting go and Patient to the process.

So since you will be searching for your new song, here is a beautiful prayer written by St. Francis that aligns to your resolutions of understanding, forgiveness and celebration (joy).

Grace

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as toconsole;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.