The long Thanksgiving weekend had thrown off the boys’ bedtime routine. I had allowed them to stay up an hour past their bedtime, but on Sunday night I put my boys to bed at their regular bedtime. Although they were not ready to go to sleep, they had school on Monday and needed to get a good night’s rest.
I laid on the couch with my blanket just staring off and thinking about Adam and me. I began to silently cry, afraid to alarm the boys. At that moment, Jonathan, with David following behind, approached me. Jonathan took the blanket and placed it right below my chin and spread it over my body and made sure it covered my toes. He grabbed a baby blanket that I had just washed and dried that was still piled on our oversized chair. Laying the blanket on top of the other one, Jonathan hugged me as I lay on the couch and said, “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too,” I said.
Jonathan asked me why I cried and I just told him I was sad, but that I’d be okay. Sometimes, we just need to cry a little. I thanked him for tucking me in and reminded him and David that school was the next day so they needed to go back to bed. And off they went.
Grace, they are my angels. God has sent me two angels to be by my side.
Guiding Lesson: Eve, your boys are like little angels. They are so sweet and caring. They love their mom who is doing such a great job at raising them. God knew what you needed and blessed you with David and Jonathan.
Now let’s focus on you. I know it’s not pleasant as you sit there crying silently. The tears are rolling down your face as the pain within you is rising up. There is so much that needs to be let out. This quiet moment is a time of healing and of washing away all the stress and toxins that were building up inside of you. Tears have great healing power if you allow yourself to lean into your sadness.
This emotion is seen as a weak and vulnerable one. People feel very uncomfortable sitting with their own or another’s sadness. Why is this? Why is it not okay to express and honor all emotions? There are no good or bad. All of them are part of living fully alive in this world. Genuine sadness is necessary to move into another phase of life. It is very different from staying a victim or pitying oneself and not being able to see your blessings unlike how you were able to see your tonight.
Eve, take this time to feel your sadness. The tears are a source of watering the arid places of your soul. They will prepare your internal garden for new life as you begin to see clearly and breathe deeper, just like after it rains.
I see you are tired. All is done and there is nothing to worry about. So allow your mind to drift off into a restful sleep. I’m here and will stay close.