Well, I decided to go see a therapist. After explaining to her what is going on she decided to give me an anti-depressant and a sleeping pill. Grace, I am at a loss. I feel a loss of who I am and self-control. I have always been in control of things, my life, and my feelings. At this moment, I am depressed, anxious, sad, a little numb, thrown for a loop, empty, and alone. I can’t be feel like this because I have two little ones that are counting on me being healthy and present to them.
Grace, I need help and it’s not the medication that I want. I will take it to manage my feelings and moods, for now, but I certainly don’t want to rely on it as an ongoing treatment. I believe I can change my situation if I tap into what I need–grace, grace in my life to help me get through this time. I never needed medication and feel like Adam has thrown me into an uncontrollable situation.
I have lost sleep. I toss and turn. I don’t eat. I have lost two dress sizes. Grace, I am going on a limb here and saying that the only positive thing happening from this situation is that I have lost weight, changed my hair color and style, dress much better, bought 24 pairs of high heel shoes in three months, wear contact lenses, and have joined a gym. Shopping has been my temporary medicine. After going to the therapist, I realize I need to act and think healthy. I need to start eating right to maintain the weight loss and get fit at the same time. I know they say exercise helps to reduce depression, stress and sleep better. For that, I can thank Adam.
Guiding Lesson: Eve, as you are sharing what you are going through I can’t help but think of the oxygen mask theory. You know, when you are on a plane they advise to always administer oxygen to yourself and then your children. Given what you are going through, you need to keep this in mind so your children will have a mom they can count on. I know you feel you don’t have any control over anything right now and feel a great sense of loss. This is a painful, but very critical time for you. Time is not the only thing needed to heal your wounds; it is what you do during the time that will bring you to a new and better place.
So where do you start? The best place to start is with introducing yourself to Eve. How do you do this? Well, it requires taking care of your body so you are not disoriented with where you are. Like you said, eating right, exercising, and getting the rest you need is vital to your healing. You will begin feeling that you can manage the world around you and care for your children. The exercise will increase the flow of oxygen, which will help with your energy level and mood.
Have you thought about how many times you want to go to therapy? Taking medication is fine, but it can’t be done alone. You will need a safe place to sort out your thoughts and your feelings. Pay attention to your dreams and what is happening inside of you. These are all keys to unlocking a new and brighter future. Oh, and don’t forget to make space for quiet time, prayer and being grateful for what you do have. Some days it will simply be the fact that your body is breathing in and out, a sign of life moving you forward into becoming whole again. I almost forgot, build a support system. This is imperative to your process. Also surround yourself with people, movies, shows that make you laugh. Laughter helps you catch a glimpse of the hope that is yet to come.
Well, you will not be here forever. This moment in your life will help you reclaim yourself. Take my hand and we can walk this path together. If you can’t walk, I will carry you and guide you. The only important thing right now is to know that everything belongs, the pain, the joys, the uncertainty. Many have created incredible art during these times. So look at this as the beginning of a masterpiece waiting to be discovered.