Ahhhhh, Grace. I know you want me to heal from the inside out. How do you heal a broken heart? I just want things to be like they were before. I just want my family again. I know things weren’t perfect, but is perfect even possible? Can anyone have a perfect marriage? I am willing to overlook a few indiscretions.
Until now, I don’t know the truth. Adam isn’t being forthright with anything. He is denying everything. But I know better. I know what the evidence shows me. I have seen the phone records, the social networking page, and the defensive attitude. All I want to see is that I need to make things better. What I know I can change is myself and how can I do that quickly? With killer shoes, new wardrobe, makeup, sexy undergarments, new hairstyle.
I know, I know. It’s not what you want to hear, Grace. But I found the cutest high heel shoes when I went shopping and then I found another pair. Did you know the mall has this shoe store with markdowns of $5.99 and $9.99? I couldn’t pass up the deal. I bought four pairs of high heel shoes. And don’t worry, Grace. I know I will be able to walk in them; they have platform soles. Enough support to help me through a full workday. I’m definitely thinking of making sure I stay grounded.
Did I also mention the matching bra and thongs? Too cute. I never bought a matching set before. What was I thinking?! I know, I know. I bought a week’s worth of sets. Then I decided I needed a new wardrobe to go with my shoes and undergarments. It’s not like I can walk around with the old clothes, when underneath it all is a new me. So I bought several outfits to show off a sexy, feminine new Eve.
Grace, did you notice my new hair color? Hairstyle? I thought I’d try something new in addition to a new hairstyle. Layers. Layers give me more body. Who would have thought? After wearing my hair in a bun for so many years, I’m finally seeing someone different reflected in the mirror.
Psst…Psst…Grace, I love who I see in the mirror. But when I look at my eyes, I’m crying. How do I stop from crying? A cupcake wouldn’t even help me right now…I’m not hungry.
Guiding Lesson: Hello, my precious, Eve. I know that all the plans you had for you, for Adam, for your family have been altered without your consent. Your tears are the dreams that have turned into this nightmare you woke up to. So, of course, you want to buy shoes for you have lost your footing. You are on new, foreign territory that is not certain. The platform soles are perfect for this time. They provide you support and they keep you elevated so you don’t trust this new ground. Let’s face it, it’s not what you had in mind.
And your new matching underwear and bra are perfect. They are very symbolic of the craving your soul has for true intimacy and connecting to your feminine side that never existed with Adam. I know this makes you feel very pretty and finally like a woman. This is a discovery process into what it means to be a woman and what it means to be vulnerable and delicate.
Your new wardrobe is beautiful and much more feminine. How can you put on something old over something new? So when you think back to wanting to let a few indiscretions go, think of what you just said. How can you put on the old false self when you are in the process of discovering a new you? Adam won’t fit anymore into your newfound true self.
Your eyes are filled with tears because parts of you have not yet mourn this incredible loss of plans, dream, marriage, family, etc. Your world will not be the same. This is why you so long to create a different outer self right away. You have control over this. You will see immediate changes. Hair color, style, wardrobe . . . it’s all part of the yearning to transform your internal pain into internal joy. It will come. I promise. So enjoy the small makeover because the real renovation will require your tears. They will wash away the pain. Welcome them and make room for them. Grieving takes time. I will guide you through it. Your world will be made new, in time. I promise and Grace will not betray you.