How Deep Does the Rabbit Hole Go?

So what’s a wife to do when she discovers her husband has had indiscretions and you don’t know just how deep the rabbit hole goes?Not to mention, the feelings of betrayal cut through the heart, severing it in pieces. How do you pick up the pieces of a broken heart and put them back in its place? Betrayal is the death of trust. And I love him. But how could he have done this? This is not the kind of adventure I signed up for. But in one swift decision, I jump. I jump into the rabbit hole and I silently scream and let my fingertips do the screaming.

Quick, I start looking through receipts, drawers, pant pockets, shirt pockets, white coats. I think. Where does he keep his information? Ah, yes, the computer and his PDA. Quick, figure out his password. No password needed. Thank you, God. I skim every contact, reference note, and phone number. Make a list of unknown contacts and phone numbers. Quick, check cell phone bill, skim phone calls and text messages. There are too many, too many calls and text messages. What am I going to do?

I realize I am frantic, in panic mode and I have my boys being entertained by Saturday cartoons. Adam went to work. So I check his social networking page. He deleted the women from his page. There’s a sigh of relief. I start to cry. I can’t do this in front of the boys. I have to get out. I call my friend and ask her to meet me at a fast food restaurant where our children can play together.

Guiding Lesson: Eve, I see and feel your heart bleeding. It is not stopping. I can’t get it to stop. I want it to stop. Eve, your pain is becoming so great that I am being consumed with it as well. Breathe, Eve, breathe. 

Remember childbirth? Breathe into your pain, work with your body to stayed tuned so you can care for yourself and find support that can see you through this. As you do this, I will also be here for you. And I want you to know that God is here in your pain loving you through it. He knows how much you need to be held and feel safe again. He wants to embrace you.  Will you let him?  He hears the silent screams that pierce his heart and joins in your tears of anguish. He wants to transform all this into songs of joy. Will you trust him?

It will take time. It is not a quick fix. However, it is a guarantee that he will make good on his promise. Your tears are the beginning to fulfilling his promise. For tear, like rain, will produce a rainbow, a symbol of God’s promise, when you allow the light to shine before you. This storm is not over. It is brutal and the waves keep crashing upon you. The question is, do you believe and want help from your God?  He wants you. He has dreams and plans of prosperity for you. He is here and he is near. He will not betray you Eve. All He can do is love you. Will you let God love you?  Will you? Breathe, Eve, breathe.