Tag: working mothers

Marriage

In the Best Actress Category the Oscar Goes to…

Grace, I know you say you were most concerned with the lack of care I had for me. You also asked me if I thought that not wearing makeup was the real issue?  Would Adam have thought of me differently?  How would I have seen myself differently if I wore makeup? And I don’t really know what the answer is and can’t really go back. I do know that I need to start taking care of me.

During my marriage, I neglected me and focused on Adam and his dreams. Why did I do that?

Yes, Eve, why did you do this?  At what point did it become scary for you to allow your feminine traits and vulnerable qualities to blossom? Do you remember stepping into more of the masculine traits to make you feel stronger in the world you were living in?

I knew that Adam wanted to go to medical school and I just instantly supported his vision. It was like I was there to do whatever it took to get him to accomplish his goal. I knew I was going to have to go to be the breadwinner, but never quite realized the impact that it would have—in more ways than one.

I hear your devotion to Adam. When did you let go of your devotion to yourself? Was there not enough room or time to do both?

At times, I am so focused on one thing. I simply forget about me. I know what I would like to do, but those dreams and hobbies stay stored in the back of my mind like a footnote to a chapter in my life.

Oh, I see. You’re not even a warm-up act. In fact, you have no act or chapter in your life. Your marriage was his life. Can you imagine what it would be like if you and Adam would have actually sat down and created goals for him, for you and shared goals as a married couple? Is this even conceivable in your marriage?

I definitely can imagine the possibilities of having individual goals and shared goals together. It brings a smile to my face, but I know you see that. I light up thinking of what could have been.

Well, Eve, you’re talking as if it’s just in your past. Do you realize that this is still a possibility in your future?  It is no longer what could’ve been; it is what can still be. This is your time to create your future.  You are not a footnote or a supporting actor in someone else’s life.  You are the leading lady wanting to work with the leading man in each other lives.

Grace, I think you’re right. I think we should celebrate with a couple of Red Velvet cupcakes. What do you say?

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A Preview of this Week’s Entries

Here’s a preview of this week’s entries. Stay tuned by visiting the blog daily to learn more about my adventures and reflections. Find out what Grace has to say.

On Marriage: “In the Best Actress Category the Oscar Goes to…”–It is no longer what could’ve been; it is what can still be. This is your time to create your future. You are not a footnote or a supporting actor in someone else’s life.

On Motherhood: “Setting a Routine for Boys and Merlot”– Back to school means getting back into an evening routine. The days go by so quickly because by the time I pick them up, I have less than three hours to spend with my boys.

On Career: “Office Germs Skew Our Perspectives”– Instead, we’re in cubicles and she goes from one cubicle to the other, stinging her venom in each of us.

On Divorce: “I Know Exactly What He Can Do with that Brown Paper Bag”– “It’s when you feel you shortness of breath, have difficulty breathing, your heart is pounding or you have rapid heart beats, you feel light-headed. There’s more, Eve.”

Career

School Setting is Petri Dish for Germs

Back to school reminds me of all the germs the boys come home with from school. Last year every three weeks or so Jonathan and David would alternate between being sick. As a physician, Adam doesn’t feel he can take sick days so I have to always stay home to care for the boys. Whether they are sick in the morning or get sick at school, I am the one called on to stay home with them.

Fortunately, my job functions can be done using the computer, with a phone, an email and a fax machine. When I stay home with David, the youngest, working on the computer is much more challenging. He requires more attention and doesn’t like the television as much as Jonathan. When Jonathan stays home, the television is my babysitter. I realize I shouldn’t rely on the television, but in all honesty, I don’t want to take my vacation days when I rather accumulate them for an extended vacation like Christmas, Easter break or summer break, when the boys are out of school.

Why must school be a Petri dish for germs? I am certain that we are not the only parents who must deal with the constant state of sickness. Certainly, I am not the only mom that also stays home with their children.

I noticed something new this year as Jonathan entered first grade. The school administrators asked parents to bring school supplies and among the items listed were Kleenex, wipes, and hand sanitizer. I am hopeful that this new school year will be a fresh start with fewer germ interruptions.

Guiding Lesson: How I remember all those runny noses and your sons’ constant need for attention when they were sick. They were miserable. I used to feel so bad for them. Eve, I don’t know how you did it. I was exhausted watching you try to keep them comfortable,  feed them, keep them clean, give them medicine, measure their temperatures, plus try to work. God knew that he had to make them cute and so lovable otherwise parents would give up really quickly.

So tell me, how do you feel about, once again, having to be the one to take on more of the load?  Have you ever talked to Adam to figure out what responsibility comes off your plate so that the workload between the two of you is shared and balanced?  Eve, do you ever get tired of having to find a solution for the dilemmas that arise?

I know that you were talking about the germs the boys encounter at school, but is there any possibility that these unfair situations might also be starting to germinate your internal and external world?  These are the man-made or woman-made germs that have the potential to infect your relationships, work, mental, emotional and spiritual state. The germs in this Petri dish begin with anger, resentment, frustrations, poor judgment, lack of effort, selfishness, acting on impulses, etc. If these are not addressed, they will seep out like a cough or sneeze that has the potential to spread an infection without notice.

You know how to deal with other germs, what can be done to avoid these from infecting your family?  If you combine what Adam may be harboring, this could lead to an epidemic.

Your son’s teacher seems to have a plan. What’s your strategy to keep germs from infecting your marriage and family?  Adam will tell you that prevention is key to staying physically healthy. What’s the saying “An apple a day keeps the doctor away?”

Here are some ideas that can boost the immune system in your relationships:  make it a priority to communicate what you are experiencing, spend quality time to connect on all levels, surprise each other, express appreciation everyday, forgive always, remember why you love each other, etc.  And, of course, tapping into the guiding Grace within you doesn’t hurt either.  So talk to Adam about your thoughts and plan ASAP. He needs to be part of this. You can’t do this alone.

Grace