In marriage, nothing’s perfect. Is anything really perfect? Well, okay, maybe everything is perfect in its own moment. But in my head, that’s a different story. In the beginning, Adam would drive me crazy when he left drawers and cabinets opened. He would take out an article of clothes from his drawers or get a cup from the kitchen cabinet and would not close the drawer or cabinet. I would walk by and drawers would be opened. Cabinets would be opened. I was always afraid that one day I would hit leg, shoulder or head.
I decided Adam was never going to change. These little pet peeves were my issue, not Adam’s. What would I do to alleviate this pet peeve? I simply decided to let go. I would, if I happen to be walking, close the drawers and cabinets myself. In the scope of things, this pet peeve was meaningless, just like the toilet seat being left up. I would just bring it down.
When I decided to let it go, I felt so much better about the little things that bothered me about Adam. I no longer got upset. I just started to do more with fewer expectations for him. Grace, as I think back, was I mothering him? Did I do too much?
Guiding Lesson: Eve, what a good question. So were you mothering him too much? Does marriage mean you needed to lower your expectations in order to live together or was there another way to approach this? What did you notice change in your relationship by not discussing your pet peeves? Did the relationship mature? Did you grow closer?
I am always a fan for letting go of things and not making mountains out of molehills. However, it is important to look at an issue from the root and not just the surface. Every action, words, thoughts or lack thereof were seeds you were planting that began taking root with every repetition. These started paving a path that led you and Adam in a certain direction. Some things were very trivial, so you let them go. Others could create bad habits and behaviors that will be difficult to unwind.
Having said this, it would not have hurt to approach Adam in love and discuss your thoughts and feelings. This would have helped you and Adam learn about one another. Even though you don’t want to make things bigger than they are, you can use these bothersome things to grow closer and discover more of each other. Always keep in mind that you and Adam are still realizing who you are as an individual and as a couple. You and the marriage are like icebergs that have so much depth that it does take a lifetime to know who you are in your relationship with yourself and with each other.
So Eve, I will provide you and others with more information on Twitter and Facebook. Let others also benefit from this guiding lesson. My hope is to help you begin to uproot some of the old way of relating and begin planting a new harvest so you and Adam can reap what you intentionally sow in your marriage.