Grace, I know you say you were most concerned with the lack of care I had for me. You also asked me if I thought that not wearing makeup was the real issue? Would Adam have thought of me differently? How would I have seen myself differently if I wore makeup? And I don’t really know what the answer is and can’t really go back. I do know that I need to start taking care of me.
During my marriage, I neglected me and focused on Adam and his dreams. Why did I do that?
Yes, Eve, why did you do this? At what point did it become scary for you to allow your feminine traits and vulnerable qualities to blossom? Do you remember stepping into more of the masculine traits to make you feel stronger in the world you were living in?
I knew that Adam wanted to go to medical school and I just instantly supported his vision. It was like I was there to do whatever it took to get him to accomplish his goal. I knew I was going to have to go to be the breadwinner, but never quite realized the impact that it would have—in more ways than one.
I hear your devotion to Adam. When did you let go of your devotion to yourself? Was there not enough room or time to do both?
At times, I am so focused on one thing. I simply forget about me. I know what I would like to do, but those dreams and hobbies stay stored in the back of my mind like a footnote to a chapter in my life.
Oh, I see. You’re not even a warm-up act. In fact, you have no act or chapter in your life. Your marriage was his life. Can you imagine what it would be like if you and Adam would have actually sat down and created goals for him, for you and shared goals as a married couple? Is this even conceivable in your marriage?
I definitely can imagine the possibilities of having individual goals and shared goals together. It brings a smile to my face, but I know you see that. I light up thinking of what could have been.
Well, Eve, you’re talking as if it’s just in your past. Do you realize that this is still a possibility in your future? It is no longer what could’ve been; it is what can still be. This is your time to create your future. You are not a footnote or a supporting actor in someone else’s life. You are the leading lady wanting to work with the leading man in each other lives.
Grace, I think you’re right. I think we should celebrate with a couple of Red Velvet cupcakes. What do you say?
MissGuidedMom 