On Being a Mother: Completely Trust—Part I

Pearls of Grace: Wisdom shared by a Guardian Angel

As long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to understand and experience what it was like to be a mother.  As I observed many mothers, I knew it was something special.  I remember asking God about this and he would say, “In time my little angel, in time.”  My longing increased and even though God’s gentle words would comfort me for a time, I wanted it now.  I didn’t want to wait.

One day, God asked me if I still had the desire to experience motherhood.  “Yes” came out before I even realized I even said a word.  My heart was beating so fast and I did not know what was going to happen next.  God looked into my heart and said, you are ready and the world is ready to conceive a wonderful baby girl named Eve.  He continued to tell me that I was going to be responsible in watching over her.  She would have an earthly mother and God needed a spiritual mother to guide her while her mother was away, sleeping, tired or busy with everyday life.  God also wanted an angel to help direct Eve on her spiritual path since this is not visible to her mother.  Like an earthly mother who would run to her child when she would fall and clean her wounds, I would do the same when she stumbled spiritually.  The only thing I had to remember was that I could not interfere with her free will.  She had to choose to love God.  She had to choose to follow God and his word when tempted by the comforts, possession, power, and prestige of the life.  She had to choose to love her life and others freely.

I had no idea what this really meant because I was excited about being a spiritual mother.  God chose me!  He heard my cry after so many years.  He knew my heart and responded with love in a way I did not imagine.  This helped me connect with the mothers who could not conceive a child and chose to adopt, become a foster parent or enter positions that required care, love, guidance, and much more for children.

Well, Eve’s mother conceived and became a sacred vessel, an instrument for God’s great mystery to do what God does best, create another masterpiece of love – soon to be a little girl that I would guide.  God told me to quickly stay by her side since her earthly mother could not see her, but I could.

Her mother and I fell in love right away with her.  I understood why my heart was expanding since I could see her, but was amazed at her great love for Eve since she loved what she could not see, hear or touch or even knew her name.  From day one, God seemed to call her and me to completely trust, surrender to the moment, and expand our hearts to receive more of his love for us through Eve.  So here’s what her mother and I learned about motherhood.

Completely Trust:  What does this mean as a mother?  Is it different?  Does God require more?  A lot of times I think of trust as something that I need to do.  I often hear people talking about how they trust God and how important trust is while some desire to trust God, but can’t for various reasons.

However, I’ve learned that trust happens in relationship with another.

When Eve was finally born and given to her mother to be held, I realized the other side of this equation.  God completely trusted us to care for Eve, his daughter before she ever became our little girl.  God trusted us to raise, teach, and mold Eve so that she can become a woman who seeks justice, loves mercy, and walks humbly with her God.  This is our role and it felt and still feels daunting.

If God trusts us with such a precious gift, the only response that makes sense is for us is to trust him completely. Not an easy task.  So I prayed, “God help me to be the spiritual mother that Eve needs so she can become the woman you desire her to be.”

Some mothers are tested right away.  Two weeks after Eve was born, my joy and her mother’s joy disappeared. She was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and I was in the shadow of this.  I did not know what was happening.  I could hear her mother’s horrific thoughts and her fears.  It was as if I was going through this myself.  It was the darkest two years of our lives.  In this darkness, we had to trust like we never trusted before.  We were too ashamed to tell others for fear of someone taking away the very gift we’ve prayed for.  So we leaned on Mary, the mother of God.  We reached out for to the mother of all mothers.  We held the rosary in our hands throughout the day and night.  When we look back now, we can actually feel Mary’s hand holding ours.

We trusted God and learned that when it is darkest, we need to surrender to the moment and let it be done according to his word.

TOMORROW’S PEARLS OF GRACE 
On Being a Mother: Surrender to the Moment-Part II