Look, Grace, I hear you about unveiling the new me by bringing the beauty that is already within. And, at the same time, I don’t want to hear you. I obviously don’t know who I am and what I look like anymore. Adam doesn’t find me irresistible anymore—at least that’s how I feel. I know, I know. Deep down the issue is with Adam. He shouldn’t do this regardless of what he thinks of my outer beauty. He has no right to betray me, my trust, my love, my commitment, our family.
But just what if…what if I changed my hair color and hairstyle like Delilah says she does? What if I got lingerie, new clothes, new shoes like Delilah? Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been shopping for myself? Oh my goodness the thought of getting new clothes, looking like a different person, losing weight–I can’t wait! I’m so excited of having a new wardrobe and putting on makeup, looking and feeling like a woman.
Do I even own high heels, stilettos, come-fuck-me shoes? No! What about cute bras and new underwear, matching sets? Do you realize, Grace, that my other friends tell me I never should have been wearing “grandma underwear.” I never even knew what they were talking about. You know…briefs, hi-cut underwear. What’s wrong with those? I’ve been wearing hi-cut underwear all my life. They said I should wear thongs. Thongs. I have owned a few of those during my marriage and I never had a problem with them feeling uncomfortable.
So when I think of the new unveiling, I think of looking like a different woman, one that Adam will be so surprised by that he’ll find me irresistible and just might love me again. Grace, are you coming? Let’s go shopping.
Guiding Lesson: Eve, I love the idea of shopping, but just one minute. I am not going to go on a shopping spree if you are focused on your outer appearance without considering your inner world that is shattered and broken. Believe me, I love extreme makeover shows and seeing the before and after. But consider this, if you had a broken leg or arm, would the doctor tell you to run out and buy the latest fall fashions? Or would he advise you to focus on healing what was broken?
I know this sounds crazy, Eve, but you know I care deeply for you and want to see you smile from within. You may be able to push all this internal stuff aside, but I have to live in the brokenness within you. I see your internal wounds and your shattered heart. I hear your inner cries. I smell the stench of a marriage that is dying. I taste the bitterness of betrayal. This is serious.
I know you are grieving, so grieve. I know you want to cry, so cry. I know you are angry, so be angry and enroll in kickboxing. The longer it takes, the deeper the wounds and the harder it will be to dig yourself out of this burial site. Also, remember that your exterior appearance will only be as good as your interior, no matter how hard you try to cover it up.
Can’t you start looking at both your internal and external world together? It can be a parallel process. You can still look cute and get a new hair color and clothes while also allowing yourself to heal. I also want to encourage you to think about who you really need to do this for. Is it really for Adam? He is not a definite in your life. How about doing it for you? Yes, Eve, do this for YOU.
You are all that you will have when everything and everyone is not around. Can you see the benefits from switching the mindset from doing it for Adam to doing it for you? Unless you think that you are not worth it. Do you think this? I think you’re worth it. I know your little boys think you are worth it. In fact, you are their bright light and they will need you to be there for them. You will only be able to be there and be strong for them if you are clear on the reasons you want to do this makeover. The best guarantee to failing is if you change yourself for someone else. The reverse is also true. The best guarantee of success is if you enhance and bring out what already exists within you. It’s all in there. I see it, but won’t be able to if you prolong the inevitable.
So what do you say? Let’s design from the inside out. Pause to breathe, heal your heart, shop for fall and color your hair. Don’t forget to pause and enjoy the masterpiece you are creating. Now this is what I call a good day!